next steps

Here’s the longer version of the story.  A few weeks ago we had asked a friend of ours whether he would be interested/willing to be our donor.  We asked him to give it some thought and not decide right away, of course.  He wasn’t the first one we had asked, but he was the first one that reacted positively to the question.  So yesterday, when we saw him again, we asked if he had thought about our question.  (Now, when I say “we,” what I really mean is W.  I basically told W that I would take care of the bulk of the details, including bearing the child, but acquiring sperm is going to be her job, including the awkward conversations.  Seems fair, right?)  And he said yes, he would like to (or be willing to, not sure about the level of enthusiasm present) be our donor.

And now I’m all excited.  I was excited like this back in January, when we decided that 2007 was going to be the year of the baby.  Technically, the year of the trying to get pregnant.  And then I started doing the research and figuring out all the complications and alternatives and costs and difficulties.  W had to forbid me to read TTC websites for a while because I started freaking out so much about how difficult it’s going to be.  I still have to be careful not to borrow trouble, not start worrying about the possibilities of infertility.  We’ll cross bridges as we come to them.

Anyway, my excitement level was really high in January, then it slowly came down as I realized I had some work to do before we could even start inseminating.  I had to get some dental work done–having my wisdom teeth removed–that I had been putting off for years.  I knew that I would have to be sedated, and you can’t be sedated while you’re pregnant, so better get it done.  And I got over my fears, picked up the phone, and went to the dentist.   I researched midwives and doulas in the area, as well as what the birthing center options were.  I stopped drinking caffeine.  I stopped eating gluten because it was making me sick.  I put a lot of effort into helping my injured back get stronger and healthier.  And we talked about possible donors, even approached a few people.  We looked into the benefits and costs (yikes!) of using a sperm bank.  I’ve been charting since January, learning the patterns of my body.  And I’ve been reading about lesbian couples who have gotten pregnant and are trying to get pregnant.  (Mostly the pregnant ones, because it was better for my mental health to stay positive and not find out too much about how hard it can really be.)

And now it feels like it might be time to take the next step.  I want to order supplies–test sticks and home insemination kits and whatever else.  But first we have to sit down with Mr. Donor (I need a better name for him–I’ll have to give it some thought) and ask the tough questions and ask him to get tested.  I just want to skip this part and get pregnant already.  This is where I resent all the hoops lesbians end up having to jump through just to do the same basic thing that straight women get automatically by sleeping with a man.  But then I remind myself that I’ve never ever had to worry about birth control.  It’s a trade-off.

So I’m going to read my book, and make lists, and talk to W about how to proceed.  I know it sounds like I’m doing this stuff all on my own (except for the sperm conversations, see above.)  Basically, I am.  I’m always the details person.  I need to know lots of stuff before I take big steps, so most of this is for my own benefit, to keep myself sane.  W doesn’t need that.  She’ll have her hands full, soon enough, taking care of me through hormonal ups and downs (TTC or pregnant, either way there are going to be hormones.)  We’re a team.