It makes me mad when I’m invisible. I was at the grocery store tonight, and a group of about six or seven twenty-something dykes got in line behind me. And they had no idea I was even there. But the thing is, unless I have rainbow stuff draped all over me, or I’m standing next to W, I’m totally invisible to gaydar. I know that there are benefits to that, but times like tonight, it makes me sad that I don’t have that little nod of acknowledgment.
I tried for a long time to look more like a lesbian, i.e., more butch. It just didn’t work. It’s not who I am. I’m femme, it’s what makes me happy, it’s the truest expression of me. And luckily I figured it out pretty early in life and found a woman who appreciates the real me. But it makes me sad to be invisible to my community.
I guess on some level, I just don’t understand this feeling, mostly because I want to say, but total strangers aren’t your community. I am your community. And T, and your co-workers, and your parents, and your bridesmaids, and such. I would be interested in hearing more about why you think of lesbians who are strangers as your community. I am not objecting, mind you, to your feeling that way. But I can’t think of a group about whom I feel like that, unless it is New Englanders, but even then…
Well, it’s certainly not the only community I’m part of. My friends, family, coworkers and neighbors are also my community. I’m not discounting that. But I am a part of the gay community, and more specifically, the lesbian community. There are experiences and points of view that I share only with them, regardless of how understanding and supportive my straight friends and family are. I recognized that I shared a bond with those women when I saw them. But I didn’t get that same recognition back, and that’s what makes me sad.
(Sorry for my delay in approving the comment and in responding–I’ve been away from internet for a whole week. We’re back now, yay!)
Just stopping by your blog to see if you’d restarted posting. Hope all’s well, blog or no blog. Have a good rest of the week!