Two weeks after Weez and I started our relationship (well, the capital R Relationship phase of our acquaintance, to be exact), we drew up a covenant for ourselves. (We got the idea because at that time, both of us were in training for leadership in the Unitarian Universalist church, and in that context, covenant is a concept important for creating right relationships in community.) In any case, after we wrote this, we read it to each other every week for several years, then lost sight of it after we got married, the way these things sometimes go. Last night we ended up going back to our covenant. Boy, did we do something right the day we wrote this up.
We read this again last night, and at the end, asked each other if we needed to make any changes, based on the last eleven and a half years of our relationship. So many changes have happened to us in those intervening years. But there really isn’t anything that needs changing, we decided. We got it right the first time. We, along with whatever power acted through us, got it really right.
August 11, 2002
- I agree to treat you respectfully
- I agree to honor and be careful towards past hurts
- I agree to stay present to whatever is happening
- I agree to tend to my own work
- I agree not to run away when things get tough
- I agree to smile often
- I agree to talk when we need to talk
- I agree to touch you with love
- I agree to be faithful
- I agree to be honest when I am afraid or hurt or angry, even though it is scary
- I agree to respect your boundaries
- I agree to honor the Seven Principles with you
- I agree to disagree respectfully
- I agree to be grateful for what we share
- I agree to enjoy you and to have fun with you
- I agree to support your need to be separate
- I agree to love you and to tell you and show you that I love you
- I agree to respect your need to share with others and I will not share lightly with others
- I agree to revisit this covenant… and to change it as we need to.