These are the signs of the end times, the signs of imminent destruction. All these signs are equally indicative of disaster. One must react to each of these as though the world is ending. It is important to react by shaking uncontrollably, panting and drooling, and by hiding someplace that only your head , not your entire body, will fit. Your refuge should include some breakable items in order to be acceptable.

1. Very loud fireworks
2. Quiet fireworks, in the distance
3. Thunderstorms
4. Smoke alarms
5. The smell of smoke
6. The sound of wind
7. A train going by
8. Rain
Last, but not least,
9. The dishwasher at the new house. If the dishes are being washed, the end is nigh.

Run for your lives. Hide behind the toilet. Knock over a bookcase. We are all doomed.

Sincerely,
Zelda

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