I’m not a resolutions kind of person. Okay, let me rephrase that. I’m the kind of person who continually creates resolutions. Once a year is too momentous, too meaningful. It gets in the way of following through. But I did spend today looking back and looking forward.
2012 was a year of so many new things. I made some new friends, particularly Jenna, who has managed to open so many doors for me. I started new hobbies (see previous sentence.) This year I took up archery, home brewing, hand sewing clothing for historical reenactment, chicken husbandry (what a weird term that is…), and more. I started a blog. Again. I renewed my commitment to making music. Weez started doing travel assignments, which gave me more alone time than I’ve had in a while. It gave me the opportunity to realize my competence (and incompetence) at running the household by myself.
2012 was also a year of bad habits, bad health, and facing my faults. When left to my own devices, I can make very bad choices about what kinds of food and drink I consume. I reached a personal highest weight ever, and kept on gaining until I saw a number I could no longer tolerate. I allowed myself to start avoiding friends and social situations.
But I also realized the consequences of these behaviors, and I found ways to make changes. (I’m being somewhat oblique here on purpose. Sharing one’s faults is not easy.) I took control of my eating and drinking with a well-known program for losing weight. I started a program of relentless self-monitoring: tracking all my activity and everything I eat, regardless of whether I was making good decisions or bad ones. I adopted the philosophy that I would allow myself to observe what I ate or what I did without judging, and thereby learn to know myself. A kind of mindfulness meditation. With graphs.
Some aspects of my life continue to stagnate. My craft room is still obscenely cluttered. My professional life is still less fulfilling than I would like. My long-distance friendships are still neglected.
Around the year 2000, I did a lot of self learning and putting my house in order. I started doing yoga, I began some spiritual practices, I gave myself permission to be myself. I left a career that was making me unhappy, I recovered from a relationship that didn’t work out, and I made decisions about how I wanted my life to be. I think it’s time to do it again.
I would like 2013 to be a year of putting my house in order, literally and metaphorically. I have already lost the weight that I gained in 2012, but am not where I should be for my own best health. I would like to work on better habits. I love following programs set by other people, but find it really difficult to admit openly. Is it because I’m a snob? What works for so many couldn’t possibly work for me? Yeah, probably. But it does work. With the help of (oh, why is this so embarrassing and so difficult?) Weight Watchers, FlyLady, Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project, and a local nutritionist who has a 7 Days to Radiance cleanse program I’m going to be following, I’m putting some incremental changes into place. I’m going to use techniques that I know work for me, even if I fear others might find them hokey. Who cares, right? Well, I do, but I’m working on it.
It’s time to own my life, to design it the way I want it to be. Ten or twelve years ago I decided that I could have trash cans on both sides of the bed, because that worked for me. A silly thing, a small thing, but it was an accomplishment in terms of letting go of some made up judgment from outside that didn’t actually exist. What will be my trash can challenge of 2013?
May we all have the courage to make the changes that are necessary for our happiness and health. Blessed be.